Yesterday was completely new experience of my life. I came to that place crossing mile after mile, hundreds of kilometres after kilometres. In each sec and min with full of anxiety and new excitement, I was gazing far horizon. Thousands of acre of farmland and farm houses in the middle of this land were still giving evidences of human superiority on nature. Eyre Highway was straight away in front of me just like never ending ribbon till horizon. My heart was beating with the same speed of our car with a new wonders coming in my life. Rough rocky soils were getting wet with light shower. Hard and rough bushes were standing everywhere from ages. Tiny trees were giving evidences of extraordinary wonder of the world! Kim was keep telling me I had to wait further still to get really wonderful land in the world. Even I was already so excited and thinking oh! What might be more excitement more than this! I was already with full of surprises and really his secret was pumping my excitement more and more. Hundred and twenty kilometres per hour speed of car was coming as zip opening new wonder lands and was still unable to tear the never ending horizon.
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Yes, someone said very well, we always get rewards or punishment on what choices we make. I don’t know, what sort of rewards I was getting and whether my choices are for the better or worse! Artur made his own choice to return back in Poland and here I was going just opposite direction to him. I was trying to be more and more isolated. My curiosity about Ceduna was not less than knowing the fortune of own!
And yes, I made choices of my own pursuing my own way of life. I didn’t care about worthy or worse of the consequences. I had to decide some vital decisions and I took them. I left the job suddenly and was leaving my place. They were all unplanned. Really, I never thought, I would do some immediate decisions to bend completely my life in another way! I had other choices but I had to select one in very tiny span of time. Definitely, my faith of heart was predicting an unexpected isolated future!
I don’t know how come I thought about being isolated with everyone and everything! Yes really! How come this came in my mind pinching each min and sec! It was not feeling of doing suicide neither it was feeling of giving up! Suddenly heavy dark cloudy feelings of unexpected fortune was driving me crazy and shouting on my ear. Feelings of being isolated and going towards land of nowhere! How come it would be possible! Would be there any such land except Himalayas and Sahara Desert! Would I survive there! Thousands of questions were rounding again and again!
When I was coming from Sydney last week, I had thought to build one house above the wonder of white clouds in the sky in the dusk. The twilight was so wonderful in the sky where clouds were dwelling on their own path. I imagined just being one portion of them and kissing each other, blending myself on them and staying for forever there gaining first rays of dawn and gazing last ray of dusk and waiting in hope for next wonderful sunrise!
Someone says well, ‘if you wished from your heart, it comes true!’. Was that case? I don’t know! But apparently if my wish was going to be true! My inner core of heart was pushing me on my wish of ‘being isolated!’ and asking me to go far away from this selfish society.
I never saw God, so I don’t believe God logically but my faith says there is God who is our caretaker. May be God heard about my wish when I was on sky gazing breathtaking twilight! I don’t know! Neither I wanted to go in depth of this mental analysis on resolving problem whether what made me to get a typical new excitement in life. I just got it and so it might be my destiny!
April 2009
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